Match.com And EHarmony Made It Look So Easy…

28Dec09

This island is too damn small.  Why is it that the minute I try online dating I’m contacted by two, count em, TWO, guys I already know?!

Seriously, as if it’s not embarrassing enough that I’m attempting to find love online, I’m first contacted by a guy who I went to high school with and I didn’t even recognize him.  He freaked me out when he asked me “how Erin ________ (insert my last name) was doing?!”  after I responded via email to a Wink he sent me. After the intial shock we ended up chatting via Yahoo Messanger for about an hour or so; turns out my twitter page gave him a whole bunch of “OMG” moments…I’ve changed A LOT since he’s last seen me!

Later on, after getting ready to call it a night, I get another email, only this one is from an ex-boyfriend who is also on Match.com.  Apparently, according to Match.com’s computers, we’re a perfect fit and he was sent my profile as a “Hey, Check Her Out!”.  Let’s just say that relationship didn’t end well..in fact, it didn’t really end.  He didn’t acknowledge our relationship or me on Valentine’s day, so I just never called/emailed him again.  At this point we had been dating for a little over 2 months, so I wasn’t expecting a big fancy dinner or anything but seriously, you can’t even send me an e-card?

Anyways, he sent an email asking me how I was doing, he thought I looked great, blah blah blah….I couldn’t hit the delete key fast enough.

Seriously, I’m only 24 hours into this project and already I’m frazzled.  And what’s up with the older dudes hitting on me? I mean seriously, you’re 47 years old, I’m 29.  What makes you think this would work?

Free trial ends on Dec. 30, let’s see if I can find a connection before they run my credit card for the whole shebang!


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Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places

27Dec09

I’ve decided it’s time for me to get out there in the dating world.  Before, I’d focus my attention on the dating pool within my work enviroment, but we all know the biggest mistake you can make is hooking up with a coworker.  It’s just drama that you don’t need, hell, I was fired from my first job because of an inter-office relationship.  The bullshit that comes with being involved with a coworker is intense and unfortunately I’ve already had to deal with it recently.  What kills me is that it happened with a coworker who normally, I would never have paid any attention to or have been attracted to.  But he was there and available, and so I went for it.  And got burned in the end.  Not fun.

In an effort to stop fishing in shallow ponds and limiting myself to guys that I really shouldn’t be looking at all starry eyed, I’ve done the one thing I had always said I would never do.  Ladies and Gents, I have joined Match.com.  Let the games begin.


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Mele Kalikimaka!!!

25Dec09

Best Christmas EVER!!!!!!!

Have yourself a Twilighty Christmas

and a

Happy New Moony Year!!!


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She Gives Blondes A Bad Name

09Dec09

A couple of days ago I started getting phone calls from someone who’s cell number is basically the same as mine, only with the numbers reversed i.e. I’m 555-1234, she’s 555-1243.  The first couple of times I answered, she would hang up on me, which let’s face it, is stupid because, HELLO, I can see the number you’re calling from. 

 Then I started getting calls late at night which I would discover the next morning since I silence my phone when I go to sleep.  No voicemails explaining the calls, but ehh, I don’t have time to be ringing up strangers and asking why they’re calling me, so I just ignored it and hoped whoever it was would get tired of listening to my Slumdog Millionaire ringback tone.  (By the way?  One of my top 10 favorite movies.  I totally want to marry Salim.)

 Then I get a phone call this morning….

Me: “Hello?”

 Phone Dummy: “Oh..umm..Hi!  I’m sorry haha!  I keep on trying to dial my voicemail but you’re not my voicemail are you? Haha!!”

 (I’ll stop here and say that she called me at 10am and sounded drunk.  And blonde.  I dunno why, but I know she’s a blonde.)

 Me:  “No, I’m not.  You’ve actually called me a couple of times already.” (And that little button on your phone with an envelope printed on it?  Try push it and watch what happens.  You may be surprised!)

 Blonde Dummy:  “Oh yeah…haha!  Sorry about that!  I got confused!”  (No…really?  I bet that happens a lot huh?)

 Me: “No problem.”  *Click*

 One minute later…

 *Ring Ring*

 Me: “Sigh…you’re still calling me instead of your voicemail.”

 Blonde Dummy:  “Oh!  What the heck am I doing here?!  Haha!  This is embarrassing!”

 Me:  “Have a good one.”  (I will kill you)

 She’s called twice more since then and every time I pick up, I simply say “Still not your voicemail” and she immediately hangs up.  It’s only 10:54am.  It’s gonna be a long day.


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I Want A Cookie And A Nap…Preferably The Cookie First

07Dec09

At my day job we have a company-wide IM system that allows us to talk to anyone on the company roster via (duh) Instant Message chat instead of over the phone.  As could be expected, the 20-somethings I work with, and myself included, use it instead to talk story with co-workers while appearing to be busy pounding away at the keyboard.  Here’s just one of the conversations that took place today between me and my friend Krissy.

*****

Krissy N. [2:54 PM] do you work tonight?

Erin Rocks [2:55 PM]:

Yeah but i’m trying to get someone to work for me cause I’m falling asleep at my desk and if I drool anymore I’m gonna short circuit my keyboard.  plus my mom’s been nagging me to hang out with my grandma before she leaves for NY on saturday.

Krissy N. [2:55 PM]:

ahh…any luck?

Erin Rocks [2:55 PM]:

i sent my friend Jaylene a text; waiting to hear back from her.  she’s always picking up hours so hopefully she’ll be able to help me out

Krissy N. [2:56 PM]:

nice…i hope you were extra nice to her recently.  :D

Erin Rocks [2:56 PM]:

alway am!

Krissy N. [2:56 PM]:

lol…i guess she’s going to get a cookie basket for xmas.

Erin Rocks [2:57 PM]:

whoa whoa whoa, let’s not get too extravagant here!  I’ll get her a package of Oreos IF Safeway’s having a twofer sale!

Krissy N. [2:57 PM]:

LOL

ok ok…maybe if she has to cover your shift again

then she’ll get a cookie basket

Erin Rocks [2:58 PM]:

no, she’ll get the other package of Oreos as well

Krissy N. [2:58 PM]:

LOL

cheapskate.

Erin Rocks [2:59 PM]:

hey man, Oreos are like black gold.  You don’t just go throwin them around to just anyone you know!  Especially the double stuffed ones; those you only give to the people you love.  That’s what an Oreo is you know, two sandwich cookies filled with love

Krissy N. [3:03 PM]:

and hydrogenated oil

Erin Rocks [3:03 PM]:

okay, you’re not getting any Oreos from me bitch


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The Perfect Hangover Anthem!

07Dec09

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The Craigslist Drunk Guy Replies!!!!

27Nov09

At least he’s stating to be.  But I’ve received a bunch of emails from guys claiming to be  “the guy on the corner”.  And all I can say is “Really?  You really want to claim the right to being that guy?” Is this what humanity has come down to?

Anyways, whether it truly is him or not, I could give two and a half shits, especially since he seems to have taken my posting seriously (does no one get my sense of humor here?!), and tries to hit on me at the end by requesting a photo of me.  Yeah, I’m really gonna start all my Ever Afters with you buddy.

(Click On Photos To Enlarge)

Sigh…he never responded.  Does this mean he’s no longer curious if he’s the Romeo to my Juliet?


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This Is Why You’re Not Getting Laid…

26Nov09

Let me note here: The person I had a dream about was the very same person who has been aggressively hitting on me for the past 2 weeks.  I’m not just throwing myself at some random guy and hoping he takes a liking to me, this guy has already told me that it’s GAME ON! between us.  Though if this how he plays, I rather sit in the sandbox alone.


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Happy Thanksgiving Ya’ll!!!

26Nov09

Let’s just admit what we all know….

I WOULD ROCK THIS SHIT!!!!


 


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I Like To Hit On Drunk Guys; They Don’t Discriminate

21Nov09

I wonder if he’ll ever see it? He was pretty hot.  And just imagine the story we’ll have to share about how we first met!  I can see it now, being told at our wedding, to our kids, again at our 50th anniversary, his funeral (because we all know the guy goes first!)…It’s timeless!!

**Update** Okay, even though she’s known me for the past 29 years, my mother doesn’t get my sense of humor.  She actually thought I was serious about meeting the guy passed out on the sidewalk.  Her actual response?  “Erin, that’s kinda sad and pathetic.”  Oh Lordy Lord.


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